Confrontational Love?

Confrontation makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps that is because I have a picture in my mind of what it is supposed to look like. The very word confrontation make me think of an unsaved person or rebellious believer being told how sinful they are by a group of Christians. There is no love or grace involved, only judgment and anger. I fear that this is what many of us think confrontation is. “Often when people hear the words rebuke and confrontation, they think of a radical moment of truth telling, a long list of stern indictments against a person who is significantly rebellious or who has tragically wandered away.”1

Biblical confrontation does not have to look like this. Confrontation always involves two different things, the truth we share, and the attitude we share it with. Truth can be shared in a way that will convict and change the individual while also involving an attitude of humility and love. But many times I find myself sharing truth in an attitude of judgment instead of love. And the attitude we have as truth is shared will many times decide how a person will respond.

After graduating from College in 1999 I began working there in the admissions department. During that time I got to know many of the students, and especially underclassmen. In time I became a “counselor” or sorts for them when they had a problem. One of my counselees was a freshman girl who had a very serious low self esteem issues

She had a learning disability which made it hard for her to learn. That along with other situations in her life led this girl to view herself as worthless. Her one goal in life was to have a boyfriend, because as long as she was dating, there was reason to believe in herself. She soon began a tumultuous on again off again relationship with a guy from a nearby school.

As a result of this crazy relationship she had terrible mood swings. One day she on top of the world, the next she felt like dirt. Many of the students realized the relationship was wrong, and told her to break it off, but she wouldn’t do it. After a few weeks simple requests for a break up became more like demands. After a while a lot people basically just gave up on her because she refused to change.

I happen to be one of the thousands of people in the world who suffer from low self esteem. I have been able by God’s grace to find victory and confidence through my relationship with Jesus Christ. And more than anything I wanted my friend to have that same victory. I wanted her to find an identity in Christ instead of a boyfriend. But I also knew the kind of emotional pain she was experiencing.

I started talking with her during lunch about her emotional struggles. I shared a lot about how I used to (and still do from time to time) struggle with feelings of worthlessness. I told her that she was making her boyfriend into a God, and the happiness would not last. But I never said it in anger or judgment. It was more like I didn’t want her to make the same mistakes I made in the past.


In 2003 I left the Bible College and began deputation full time. And sadly my friend was still riding an emotional roller coaster. But I felt that my loving words of challenge would be used by God to impact her life. In 2006 I saw her for the last time before leaving for the mission field. She had a huge smile on her face and seemed incredibly content with life. Oh yeah I almost forgot, she was single. Not only was she single, but she was satisfied being single!

Now I know that there is a big difference between low self esteem and more serious sins. But God used my friendship with her to teach me a very important lesson. It is possible to share truth in a humble loving spirit. Yes it takes longer than direct confrontation in a spirit of judgment. But in the long run it is much more powerful

1 Paul Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemers Hands, pg.203, par.1, ln.1

Asking The Hard Questions

A few months ago I began teaching a group of teens at a local church on Wednesday nights. At first I taught them using power points and twenty minute lessons. After about a month I realized that strategy would not work well with them. Most of these teenagers came from a family or culture that stressed open communication. So my teaching style that involved lots of lecture with very little discussion seemed strange to them.

After realizing how important communication was to them, I centered the Wednesday night service around open discussion. I would share verses of Scripture, and ask them questions about what God is saying in that passage. After a while we began to discuss some controversial issues during the lesson. Things such as politics, terrorism, homosexuality, sex before marriage, and dealing with depression.

At first discussing these things frightened me. They are subjects that I would never be comfortable talking about in a church service. But I was amazed at how the teenagers responded when I brought up the controversial issues. They began to become actively involved in the discussion and helped me think about the response that God would have for us. In a few weeks I went from speaking to a group of bored teenagers to making sure that only one spoke at a time instead of three!

What made such a difference in the youth meeting? I believe part of it was that they could talk about things that they couldn't discuss anywhere else. Teenagers today deal with issues that we could not possibly imagine. So having a place where they can feel safe enough to ask hard questions and discuss those messy issues is important. I was very careful in these discussions to make sure that they were honoring to God. I always began with a devotional from Scripture that had to do with the subject we where discussing. And I would ask questions during the discussion that would draw us back to Scripture.

As believers living in a postmodern world we are surrounded by the unsaved. And if we commit ourselves to interacting with the unsaved they will ask us hard questions. Questions that have to do with the subjects we many times don’t discuss because they make us feel uncomfortable. Because of this we must learn to communicate about those subjects in small groups. Those discussions will help us develop answers to those hard questions.

I do not believe that subjects such as homosexuality and terrorism should be discussed from the pulpit of a church. But I do believe that they need to be discussed. Talking about those issues will probably make you uncomfortable just like I was. But those moments of discomfort will reap great rewards. Like being able to give a well thought out answer to the unbelievers question. And being able to not only state our view, but defend it as well.

Balanced Confrontation

I am not the kind of person who enjoys conflict, so I avoid it at all costs. This fear of conflict creates a problem when dealing with the unsaved. Many unbelievers will be involved in sinful practices that must be confronted. I know that God wants me to connect and minister to the unsaved in my community. But he also desires that I confront sin when it is committed.

As a believer in Jesus Christ I can't just overlook sinful actions of the lost. So how do I confront those sins? This question is a very important one since Christians are many times seen as judgmental. In fact 87% of the unsaved people who took part in a recent survey said that the word “judgmental” summed up Christianity for them.1

How could this many people view us as judgmental? A lot of it has to do with the way we confront those who are in sin. A definition for confrontation in the mind of some believers seems to be, “pointing out any sin that needs to be dealt with in a judgmental fashion.” These individuals point out every sin in the lost person's life and demand that they change immediately.


Is this how God wants us to confront sin? I honestly don't think so because it does not include love or grace. There are other Christians who make the love of Christ the foundation for their confrontation. These individuals are many times like me and don't like to conflict of any kind. So they won't confront the sin of those around them. And if they do it is in a way that will never make the unsaved person feel uncomfortable.

In my view neither of these styles of confrontation are right. The first does not take into account the love of Christ. The other does not include conviction of any kind. Somewhere between these two extremes is healthy confrontation. And it can only be found by balancing the two extreme views. The focus of the first view is truth. Truth is the most important thing and it does not matter how you come across as long as it is given. The second stresses love in a very strong way. For them the most important thing is that the unsaved person not feel bad.

So true confrontation will combine truth and love. The message will not change at any time (sin will still be sin). But the methods, or ways that truth is shared, will be loving. Those who stress truth will tell an unbeliever he is a sinner and needs to stop sinning the first time they meet. Those who stress love might bring up the subject after about a month, but not in a way that will condemn that person.

True confrontation will develop a close relationship with that person first. After connecting with the unbeliever he will lovingly point out the sin in that persons life. The confrontation itself will be carried out in a spirit of humility. Some may say that this view goes easy on the sinner. But a loving confrontation that comes from a friend is much more powerful that a judgmental one.

We live in the midst of a fallen world. Being a light to the darkness here involves confrontation of sin. But we must be careful that it is done in a way that balances both truth and love. For if we don't it will be very hard for change to take place.

1Kinnaman, UnChristian, pg.28, par. 2

One Small Step Out

When people talk about becoming involved in the lives of unsaved they usually think about doing something drastic. “Escaping the Christian bubble” is seen as demanding a complete change in the way we do life. But many times God gives us opportunities to interact with the unsaved in more subtle ways. And as we take those God given opportunities we will be able to have an impact upon unbelievers for Christ.

Last Monday I was at a shopping center that is less than five minutes from my house. I was surprised to find that a Gloria Jeans coffee shop had opened up there. Gloria Jeans is a chain of cafes here in Australia. They are known for having very good coffee, and an environment where people can relax and talk with friends.

Now as strange as it may seem I believe that God brought that coffee shop to Melton just for me. See I spend a lot of time reading books that help prepare me for ministry. I also do a lot research for lessons that I teach at churches. I usually study at home, but was interested in finding another place to study. A place where I can actually interact with lost people while doing my reading.

A few weeks ago I went through Melton on a Monday morning looking for any coffee shops where I could study. The closest thing I found was a McDonalds but I didn’t really think a fast food restaurant was the best place to do that. But the small Gloria Jeans coffee shop would be just perfect for it.

Next week I plan to begin studying there at least two days a week. During that time I hope to continue learning more from God’s Word. But I also want to connect with some of the staff, and regulars there. The relationships will allow me to have open minded discussions with unbelievers about spiritual things. And in time I will share with them the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

For a while I was looking for a huge thing that God wanted me to do in Melton Australia. I expected him to give me some great ministry for this community. Instead God led me to a coffee house. That reminds me that God does not always want us to take giant leaps of faith for him. Instead he just wants us to take small simple steps as he opens the door.

Escaping The Bubble

Adapting to the foreign culture is one of my main goals here in Australia. But for my ministry to be strong I must also adapt to (become involved in) the lives of the unsaved around me as well. This means I must actively seek out the unsaved and develop relationships with them. And then through those relationships I will be able to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. In the past I would call for unbelievers to attend a service or outreach at my church. This philosophy demanded that they come to me instead of my coming to them.


Recently I have been reading a book that chronicles the results of a three year study on how the unsaved view Believers.1 Throughout the book different views are shared that the unbelievers have concerning the church. The chapter I read from today described Christians as “sheltered”. On the first page of that chapter is a statement from an unsaved twenty-two year old young man that challenged me. “Christians enjoy being in their own community. The more they seclude themselves, the less they can function in the real world. So many Christians are caught in the Christian bubble.”2

What made that statement so amazing is that this morning I read the exact same thing in a totally different book written by the Pastor of a church. He points out that for many of us our goal is to, “build a stronger and thicker bubble around us protecting us from the outside while we create this very strange Christian subculture inside.”3

Both this pastor and unsaved young man make the same point using the same word (bubble). We tend to only spend time with other Believers, and have very little interaction with the unsaved. The more I thought about this the more it convicted me. I am called to be different from the world, but at the same time actively involved in it. It is a wonderful thing to spend time with other believers in fellowship and encouragement.
Yet I have a hard time naming one unsaved person who I am close friends with.

It is unhealthy for my social life to consist only of Believers. But that is still true for many of us. “We go to church on Wednesdays, Sundays, and sometimes on Saturdays. We attend small group on Tuesday night and serve on the Sunday School advisory board, the financial committee, and the welcoming committee. We go to barbecues with our Christian friends and plan to group outings. We are closed off from the world.” 4

I don’t believe that we are only spending time with Christian friends because of sin in our lives. The truth is that almost all of us are so busy we don’t have time to interact with our friends at church. And developing relationships with an unbeliever is a very slow process. But what I read today made me stop a few moments and think. In many ways I am currently living in the “Christian bubble”. But by God’s grace I will find a way to escape it.


1 David Kinnaman, Unchristian, Baker Books; Grand Rapids Michigan, Copyright 2007
2 David Kinnaman, Unchristian, pg.121, par.1
3 Dan Kimball, They like Jesus but not the church, pg.42, Par.1, ln.3
4 David Kinnaman, Unchristian, pg.130, par.3, ln.5

Circumcision of The Heart

Romans 2:29 But he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God.

We all have specific Scripture passages that make dramatic impacts upon our lives. Verses that have been used by God to help us become more like Christ. Romans chapter two verse twenty-nine is one of those verses for me. God taught me its truth after one of the hardest times of my life. I had just finished my Junior year in High School and was really looking forward to the summer.

That year had been especially hard on me. I was given my first real leadership opportunity by becoming part of my schools “student council”. On the first day of school I had lots of ideas about making the school a better place. But none of those ideas worked. So a few months after school started I was ready to quit!

On a Wednesday evening that summer God showed me one of the reasons all of my plans failed. One of our youth leaders spoke from Romans 2:29 about having a circumcision of the heart. He talked about the Jews who were proud of being circumcised physically (2:28), and believed that circumcision was part of Salvation. But Paul in this verse points out that a physical circumcision was not what God really cared about.

Those who were circumcised took great pride in calling themselves “real Jews”. But a real Jew in eyes of God was one who had a circumcision of the heart. The truth of that passage made me really think about my life. That God cares more about my heart (my personal relationship with him) than the outer actions of Christianity.

I am by no means saying that God does not want us to pray, attend church, and read the Bible. But there is more to Christianity than that. Being a Christian means having a close relationship with God where we seek his will, and then submit to it. The actions of Christianity (reading the Bible, going to church) flow out of that relationship!

Later on that night I talked for a long time with one of my friends about what that verse meant. And God made me realize that while I was saved, and doing all of the right things. I did not have an intimate relationship with him. That was why I struggled so much the year before. It is hard being the spiritual leader at a school when you are neglecting your own relationship with God!

That verse and the moment it impacted my life are still burned on my mind. But more importantly that truth is written on my heart as well. And it is a reminder for me that it is not enough to have teenagers read their Bible during the week. But I am to help them develop an intimate relationship with God as well.

Becoming A Southern Australian

Less than ten minutes after coming through customs at the Melbourne International Airport I was given the words of advice that have stuck with me for the last eleven months. Those words have helped me gain the respect of Australian believers, ministries with youth in multiple churches, and a solid foundation for future ministry. Without that phrase there is a good chance I would not have any of those things right now. What were the words that shaped my ministry so powerfully, “things are different here John”.

Melbourne Australia in a lot of ways looks like large cities in the United States. But the similarities stop there. The Australian culture is drastically different from the American one I grew up with. And how I respond to the differences in Australia will decide how successful my ministry will be.

It is very easy for me as an American to do things the way that I am used to doing them. But many times the American way clashes with the Australian way. Sadly many of the Australian people are used to seeing Americans continue doing things that clash with their culture. I don’t believe that they are offending people around them on purpose. But refusing to adapt to the Australian way of doing things is offensive nonetheless.

Early on I made a commitment to adapt to the Australian culture as much as possible. I knew that I would never become a full fledged Aussie in their eyes but always a yank (all Americans are yanks in Australia). But trying to do things their way would allow me to gain their respect. I have made many changes in my lifestyle since coming here. But one of the most drastic has to do with my bedroom closet.

Actually it is what I leave in my closet that is drastic. I received two very high quality men’s suits for Christmas last year. I carefully packed them in barrels before having them shipped from the U.S. to Australia, planning to wear them when I preached at churches. While at home in North Carolina I always wore a suit and tie when I preached at a church.

Well in Australia nobody wears a suit or tie to church. Actually hardly any of them wear dress shirts either. Instead they wear blue jeans and shorts along with t-shirts or polo shirts. Suddenly I had a choice to make. I could continue wearing my suit and tie to church every Sunday. Or I could adapt to the Australian way of doing things. In the end I decided to make a compromise.

On Sundays I wear non dress pants with a dress shirt, and tie. Neither part of the suits that I received last Christmas are worn, although I do wear the dress pants from time to time. While speaking at another church in the area I actually spoke in khaki pants with a polo shirt. And to my amazement, God did not strike me dead with lightning!

Today I have a lot solid relationships with believers at the church I attend regularly. Relationships I probably wouldn’t have if I wore a suit to church. For by leaving my suit hanging in my closet I sent two very powerful messages. “I don’t think that I am better than everyone, and want to serve in a way that is meaningful to you.”

A Computer or a Basketball?

In August I began ministering to the youth group at a local church on Wednesday nights. The idea was that I would teach there for about a month. And if things went well then I could continue teaching for the 2008 year. I came that first night excited to see what God was planning to do. Instead of giving them a lesson I decided to share a few verses of scripture, and my testimony. It was surprising how well they responded to what I said that night.

The next Wednesday I came back with a well thought out lesson from the book of Nehemiah. I had spent a lot of time developing that message through Biblical study. I was also using a well written book on leadership that used truths from Nehemiah as a foundation for my lessons. But surprisingly the lesson did not go as well as I thought it would. So the next week I tried harder to develop a lesson that would speak to their hearts. Only a few teens showed up. And those who did come didn’t show much interest.

It soon became obvious that my lessons on Nehemiah were not impacting their lives. So I asked them what kind of lessons they would like to have on Wednesday nights. Their response was something that they could live out on a daily basis. The subject of peer pressure was also discussed. So the next day I checked all the Christian bookstores in my area for books on peer pressure. And of course there weren’t any. So I began to develop and write my own lessons on peer pressure.

The next week I came in with a well thought out lesson on how to deal with peer pressure. Not only that but I also had a power point presentation to go along with the lesson. Not just any power point presentation mind you, but a professional power point presentation that used templates purchased off of the internet. As I went through the lesson I moved from slide to slide using a wireless mouse. The entire presentation was very professional.

After about five weeks of my professional presentations we had the church service in a different location. The one that is usually used did not have power, so we met at a YMCA building just down the street. I started into my professional lesson as always but soon noticed that none of the teenagers were paying attention to me. Their eyes were on me, but their minds were miles away. In that moment I had to ask myself what kind of ministry I wanted in that church. Did I want a ministry that just gave information? Or did I want a ministry that truly impacted the life of those young people?

On the way home from church that night I completely scrapped my ministry philosophy. And the next week over Doritos, candy, and chips I learned what the teens really wanted on Wednesday nights. A few weeks later I came on a Wednesday evening with the ministry tool that God has used in an incredible way. It was a basketball.

Every Wednesday night I play basketball with a large group of the teens at that church. During that time I am able to learn their names, and truly connect with them. And that is what I have learned is the most important thing. A lesson that teaches scripture clearly is a powerful thing. And a professional power point presentation is nice. But that is not the most important thing to teenagers. What they want is someone who will come down to their level and accept them. I don’t bring my computer to church on Wednesday nights anymore because I don’t teach with power point. But the kids don’t really care, just as long as I bring the basketball.

A Paintboard In Times Square

The summer after my freshman year in college I took part in an open air evangelism missions trip. Almost two of those weeks were spent in a city that was part of Ukraine (formerly Russia). And two of those weeks were spent in New York City. Interestingly I had more fear when ministering in New York than when I was overseas. Part of this was because I am not an outgoing person who has the gift of boldness. Giving a tract to someone in my small town of Winston Salem, North Carolina was hard for me. Handing out tracts in New York City was something I honestly did not look forward to.

God did help me get over my fears during the two weeks in New York. I vividly remember the day we went down into the New York City subway system to share the gospel. I was supposed to share use a simple magic trick using three ropes to portray all of our sinfulness in the eyes of God. The first time I did it the only thought on my mind was, “I wonder if I could defend myself with one of these ropes if somebody attacks me”. But by the end of the day I was actually enjoying myself!

I had the opportunity near the end of my second week to share the Gospel in times square. That is the main road through downtown New York that has all of the broadway shows and businesses on either side. It was amazing what God did in my life during those two short weeks. Even though my experience in New York took place eleven years ago in the summer of 1996 I still remember it as a time when God used me powerfully.

I believe with all of my heart that God used me during those two weeks in New York. Although I was not able to lead someone to the Lord I did see many unsaved people come forward and take a tract out of my hand so they could learn more about Christ. But times do change and with changing times our methods for ministry must change as well. If I was ministering today in New York city I would not rely upon an open air evangelism ministry. Nor would I use a rope trick to share the Gospel in the subway stations.

I view things like open air evangelism as good ways to share the Gospel. They can definitely be used by God to lead a lost soul to salvation. But these methods do not work as well as they did eleven years ago. We live in a culture that has dramatically changed since the year 1996. Television, movies, and music have completely changed as well. Why even we are very different people than we were eleven years ago!

Society has changed in so many ways since that Friday night I ministered at Times Square. And we must change with it to impact the lost for Jesus Christ. Our Theology will never change for any reasons. But our methods must be changed so that they are relevant to the year 2007.

Two Thanksgiving Feasts

Most of us have fond memories of thanksgiving. And of course I am no different. There are many things I am used to experiencing during the thanksgiving season. Like seeing my aunts and uncles and cousins for the weekend. Eating massive amounts of food. Playing a game of phase ten with my family. And of course getting up at 4:00 in the morning to go shopping the day after thanksgiving!

One of the things that I worried about was what would happen during this thanksgiving. Being thousands of miles away from family can be kind of hard during the holidays. I expected to be depressed or discouraged last Thursday and Friday.

I talked to my parents and relatives for an hour on Thursday (Wednesday night in the states). It really. helped to hear their voices over the skype internet program I have on my computer. And because of my webcam we were actually able to see each other while talking! Later that afternoon I put up my Christmas tree and did some work around the house. At no time in that entire day did I become emotional or depressed about not being be with family for the holidays. I was actually surprised at how calm I was.

The next morning I got out of bed just in time to watch the last ten minutes of the Green Bay Packers and Detroit Lions football game (it was 3:00 Thursday afternoon in the U.S.). At about 8:30 I talked to my parents and relatives again for an hour. And then I was left by myself on Thanksgiving day thousands of miles away from my family.

I had been invited by two different families to have thanksgiving dinner with them last Friday, but I declined. I did this to see what it would be like to experience thanksgiving alone. Would I be filled with sadness and homesickness? Or would my heart be filled with joy that comes from God? I did not try to escape or “medicate” any kind of painful feelings that facing thanksgiving alone would bring. Instead I purposely decided to stay at home Friday.

At 12:30 I turned off the football and walked into my kitchen. For the next two hours I read from books that I am currently working through in order to strengthen my ministry. The truths in those books along with God’s Word encouraged, comforted, and challenged me. They were a spiritual feast for my heart that needed strength in that time. As I studied God placed within my heart an incredible peace. And that peace became stronger as I thought about what God was teaching me later that day.

At 7:00 Friday night I sat down to wonderful thanksgiving meal. There was a juicy t-bone steak that I had cooked on my own grill. Extra crispy French fries (one of my guilty pleasures), along with fresh bread. And for desert I had Tim Tams which are Australian cookies dipped in chocolate. Add coke with a cup of coffee and you have a meal fit for a king! But that physical feast was nothing compared to the spiritual feast that I experienced earlier that day. And though a juicy steak and well done French fries makes for good eating. It can never compare to the peace that can only come from God.

I thank God for the peace that he placed in my heart over the thanksgiving season. But more importantly I am thankful for the opportunity to come before him in a time of need and feast upon his truth.

What the Whole World Craves

We are called by God to be lights in a world of darkness (Matthew 5:14). Being a light means to connect with the unsaved and transform their lives through the power of the gospel. As we become involved in the calling of God upon our lives, he will fill our acceptance cravings with his unconditional love. And that love will definitely give us more satisfaction and fulfillment than romance, money, or things.

But we should not just be a light to the world so God will fulfill our cravings for acceptance. We should do it because there are unsaved people all around us who hunger for love, acceptance, and healing. And they are trying desperately to fill their hunger with everything that the world has to offer. Only to find that none of those things bring happiness.

Meanwhile we have the one true cure for acceptance cravings. That is the unconditional love of God that comes as a result of Salvation. After receiving Christ as our Savior we are accepted by God with a love that overwhelms the imagination (Ephesians 3:19). This is an unconditional love that will forgive us whenever we fail. And a grace that will accept us even though we don’t deserve it. Yes God will judge us if we continue to sin. But this judgment is God’s way of bringing us back to the place where we can be blessed.

This love that we experience in our hearts is what the entire world hungers for. The love of Christ can put a stop to abuse, suicide, drug addiction, murder, and many other acts of violence. For many of those violent acts are attempts to find a release from the emotional pain a person is experiencing. Most acts of rebellion and sinfulness towards God would also be stopped if those individuals experienced Christ’s love.

But sadly few unbelievers have experienced the love of Christ through us. What is even more frightening is the fact that some churches actually try to get as far away from the world as possible. Now it is true that Christ does not want us to live like the world. But neither does he want us to hide our light (Matthew 5:15). How can we be a light to the world if we isolate ourselves from it?

Being different from the world but actively involved in it is not an easy thing to do. But God has not called me to isolate myself from the world. Instead he challenges me to, “take the light and jam it down the throat of darkness.1” I am honestly not sure how God wants me to be a light for him in the city of Melton. But with his help I am beginning to look for ways that I can become involved in the lives of the unsaved here. Opportunities to share with them the love of Christ, and the good news of God’s Word.

I hold in my heart the cure for much of the emotional pain that is experienced in this world. And it is a selfish for me to keep that cure locked up inside of me and not give it to those who are hurting. May God give me strength to share my story in a spirit of humility. And may God’s amazing love begin to impact the lives of others because of one brightly shining candle.

1 Organic Church, Neil Cole, pg.15, par.1, ln.1

Rooted and Grounded in Love

I have recently been reading the book “Created for His Glory” by Jim Berg. In this study of Ephesians Mr. Berg focuses on the blessings that we have in Christ. Last week as I read his book, one phrase of Scripture stuck in my mind. Since then I have not been able to stop thinking about that phrase.

In Ephesians 3:14-21 we find a prayer of the Apostle Paul for the church that was in Ephesus. Paul begins by praying that God would give them strength that could only come from the Holy Spirit (3:16). H also prayed that Christ would dwell, or have control over their lives (3:17). But then he ended verse seventeen by praying that they would be, “rooted and grounded in love.”

Community is one tool used by God to fulfill our acceptance cravings or longings for happiness. But another is ministering to the needs of others in love. This goes totally against the philosophy of our post modern culture. The natural response is to take our needs and make them the focus of our lives. But are we being “rooted and grounded in love” when we do this? Of course not!

The only way we can be “rooted and grounded in love” is by putting the needs of others above our own. In other words, when you see someone who is in need, help them. There are people all around us today who are struggling. And though we can’t meet all of their needs a kind word or encouraging letter can do a world of good.

A few Saturdays ago I was cleaning house when my phone rang. It was one of the pastors at the church that I attend regularly. He called to ask if I wanted to go get a coffee somewhere. I told him that would be fine and asked where we needed to meet. He then told me that he was at a McDonalds less than four miles from my house.

Now you must understand that this pastor lived at least forty five minutes from me. And he had much better things to do on a Saturday than drive to Melton and have a coffee! But that did not stop him from taking the time to do it. I was absolutely floored by his act of kindness, and we had a wonderful time of fellowship that morning.

It is not easy to focus on the needs of others. Especially since we have so many needs of our own! But taking a moment out of the day to meet the needs of others will allow us to be “rooted and grounded in love.” And that random act of kindness or encouraging word will be used by God.

Handing In My Man Card

There are certain things in this day and age that men are just not comfortable doing. These things have been compiled into a list that, although unspoken, are taken with the utmost seriousness. Any man caught doing one of the things on that list will condemn himself to weeks and months of ridicule by his friends. Men jokingly say that repeated infractions will result in you handing in your “man card”.

Some of the items on this list are as follows. Real men don't use the word cute in any conversations. Real men don't watch chick flick movies by themselves. Real men don't ask for directions. Real men don't use scented hand lotion. Real men do not purchase or burn candles. As important as the other rules are there is one which is enforced more forcefully than any other. Real men don't talk about their feelings.

I am not sure why this rule was put on the list. Maybe it is because all of our heroes on television or the movies never talked about their feelings. They don't even ask anyone for help, much less share their emotions. I mean you never see Rambo talking about his self esteem issues! Many of us also never had male role models who were open about their emotions. The fact that our culture looks upon asking for help or sharing feelings as not being masculine doesn't help either.

In early June I went to a rugby game with some of my friends. After the game I had to find a train to take me home from the stadium. Surprisingly one of the guys who came offered to drive me home. That was a pretty big deal since I lived about forty-five minutes away. On the way home we talked about cars, music, and movies (guy stuff). By the time I got to the house we had become pretty good friends.

Every few weeks I will meet him at a local McDonalds. It just gives a chance to relax and catch up with what is happening with each other. I am currently involved in the youth group at his church, and he teaches the young adults. So we talk a lot about what we think God is doing in our ministries. We both enjoy and reading books and will discuss things we are learning from them. And of course there were conversations about we wanted to do in the future. Although the book conversations were pushing it, we did not make any of the laws in our man code.

Then one Saturday night that all changed. I honestly don't know why I did it. Maybe it was the cappucinno that I held in my hand. Maybe it was the table that we were sitting at. Maybe it was the smell of french fries in the air. Whatever the reason, I began to talk with him about my low self esteem, and how it affected the way I interacted with people. Suddenly I became very nervous. I had committed the unpardonable sin and talked my feelings!

To my utter amazement my friend told me he felt also had a hard time interacting with people sometimes. Instead of laughing and making fun of me, he confessed to feeling the same way! Even more amazing was the fact that I felt great after telling him about my shyness. We actually had a long conversation about how to become more confident when meeting people we don't know. And at no time during that long conversation about my feelings did God strike us with lightning!

In the following weeks we continued to slowly talk about our emotional struggles or burdens we are dealing with. And in doing so found there is something very therapeutic about spilling your guts all over a table at McDonalds. Simply facing emotional pain in our hearts is not enough. We must also deal with that emotional pain. And one of the best ways to do that is discuss those struggles with a trusted friend. Now that I realize the first man rule is flawed I am beginning to wonder if the other ones are as well. Maybe this means all men should go out and buy scented candles! Well, let's not get carried away.

Sacrificing for a Social Life

Last April I moved to the city of Melton. I am able to rent a very nice three bedroom house here. It has a large study where I read, and write articles for my blog. It has a large backyard that is greatly enjoyed by my cat aussie. It is in a quiet rural area that is not too close to the city. And the rent on this house is very low. I am absolutely thrilled with the house itself. But I would move tomorrow if I had the opportunity!

The problem is not the house that I live in, but the place where I live. Don’t get me wrong Melton is a beautiful place to live. But it is far away from the larger growing communities of Melbourne. It is also far away from the places I am currently ministering. This means I spend a lot of time driving (It takes about forty minutes to get to anywhere). It also means I have to spend a lot of money on fuel for my car.

Because I live so far away there is a temptation to only leave Melton when I absolutely have to. After all, why drive for an hour or an hour and half just so I can drink coffee and talk? Instead I could just stay home and save a lot of money on gas. But the money that I save will not fill the longing for acceptance in my heart.

God created us to be relational beings. There is a part of us that can only be filled by contact with other people. That is why before the fall of man God looked upon Adam’s being alone and saw it as something that was not good. To live in a state of isolation is to live a life that is unnatural. But many of us have a social life that is virtually non existent. There are many reasons for this. But probably one of the greatest is that having a strong social life (connecting with lots of friends) takes sacrifice.

Connecting with friends in true community during the week does take sacrifice. It takes a sacrifice of time, energy, money, and many times our own plans. So we decide the price is just too high and promise to spend more time with friends in the future. The result of this is a culture of busy people who are desperately lonely. “George Gallup has said, ‘Americans are among the loneliest people in the world’ In the midst of busy lives, overcommitted schedules, and congested cities, we feel alone.”1

Lately I have only been driving far from Melton when I absolutely had to. That would be on Wednesdays, Sundays, and every other Thursday. I have been praying that God would give me opportunities to connect with other people. But then I realized that he wanted me to take the initiative of connecting with others. The best way to do that is move into a house closer to the city. I will not be able to do that until probably early 2009. So Monday morning I made out a plan that involves leaving Melton five times a week regularly instead of two to three. I am also in the process of working out a sixth opportunity.

I am the kind of person who likes to save money each month for future expenses. Now I will have to spend some of that future expense money on fuel. It also means I will spend a lot more time on the road. But those sacrifices are nothing when compared to the close relationships I will have.

1. Andy Stanley, Creating Community, pg.22, par.2, ln. 1

A Pastor and A Friend

Yesterday I said say goodbye to a dear friend. Phil Waters is the pastor of Grace Baptist Church my home church in Australia. And at 3:30 yesterday afternoon he left for a year long furlough in the United States. There was a huge crowd of people from different churches who met yesterday to see him off.

Phil Waters is a mentor to me along with dozens of other people in Melbourne. But more importantly he is a true friend to all of us. We meet a lot of people in our lives. And a small number of those people become our friends. But then there will be a few people who can be viewed as best friends.

Those are the friends who will stand by your side when everyone else has left. That person will show genuine interest in how you are doing. They will always be there for advice and counsel. And that friend can be trusted with things that you would not tell anyone else.

Pastor Phil is more than just my pastor, he is my friend. For almost three months he worked to get a permanent residency visa for me. He personally answered dozens of questions that I had about the visa situation. When my visa application was declined he personally called me in America to share the news. He told me at least six times during that conversation that the visa rejection was not my fault.

When I came through customs at Melbourne International Airport on January 8 he was there to meet me. In the first months of ministry he would always ask me how I was doing. When I said fine, he would look me dead in the eyes and ask if I was sure. At the darkest moment of my ministry he was there with me giving comfort and wisdom. When I was struggling with issues on the field I shared them with him over a cup of coffee.

On the day of Australia’s Grand Final (Australian Super Bowl) I watched it at his house. I have had Sunday afternoon dinner at this house a number of times. He always goes out of his way to encourage me when I see him. And makes sure I know that he loves me. The amazing thing is that I am not the only person he has this kind of relationship with. He is a true friend to countless people in the area churches.

As I look at Pastor Phil I see the kind of man I would like to become. He has a ministry that is not based upon flashy gimmicks or the latest church growth philosophy. Instead it is build upon the close relationships he has with others. The night I came to Australia I greeted him as “Pastor Waters”. He responded, “John it is just Phil here.” In the last nine months he has gone from being Pastor Waters spiritual leader, to Phil good friend.

A Reason to Get Up at 5:30

I am not a morning person. That’s why I was not too excited about getting out of bed when my alarm clock went off at 5:30 this morning. There are a few things that will get me out of bed before 6:00 am. Those things are Christmas, an important meeting, and coffee at Strudels. Strudels is a coffee shop about thirty minutes from my house. And on Thursday mornings I go there for a cup of coffee. But it is not the coffee that gets me out of bed.

What drives me to get up at 5:30 is the fellowship that I have while drinking that coffee. Two or three Thursdays a month I will meet a group of pastors at Strudels. We laugh, tell stories, share prayer requests, and even vent at times! But more than anything else it is just a time when we can encourage one another.

There was a time here on the field of Australia when I was struggling. Complicated issues had come up and I was faced with some very hard decisions. The fact that I did not have experience dealing with the kind of situations I was facing didn’t make things any easier. It was at that confusing time in my ministry when those times of fellowship became precious to me. The three pastors who I meet with have more than forty years of experience between them. And they were a great source of wisdom and guidance for me in a time when I didn’t know what to do.

I have come to Strudels on a Thursday morning struggling with discouragement over what was or wasn’t happening in ministry. But I was always filled with energy and enthusiasm on the way home. Why is that? I firmly believe that God created us to be relational creatures who would crave close relationships. Therefore that longing for happiness in our hearts can be filled through true community (friendship).

That community is something we should all seek after. A community where you can voice frustrations without wondering whether or not you will get in trouble. A community where you can share personal struggles without fear of judgment. A community where you will be accepted even though you aren’t perfect. A community where you can get help in a time of need.

The sad truth is there are very few communities like that today. But those close friendships can be developed over time. Of course there is a good chance of getting hurt, betrayed, or used in those kinds of relationships. But true community is one of the few things that can fill our longings for happiness much better than the worlds “junk food”.

That is why I am trying to develop other communities like the one at Strudels on Thursdays. Yes I will probably get more than a few emotional scars. But at the same time I will be able to feast upon the satisfaction that comes from true Christian community. And that is definitely something worth getting up at 5:30 for.

Feasting on Jelly Beans

For most of us there are certain foods that we have a weakness for. In my case that food is jelly beans. They have been a favorite of mine since I was a child. If I could eat anything that I wanted jelly beans would make up breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Obviously I don’t eat them three times a day. For one thing it would make me sick, but more importantly food like jelly beans will not truly satisfy my hunger.

Our body needs nutritious food that includes proteins, fats, carbohydrates, and vitamins. Sugar from junk food may give us lots of energy for a short amount of time. But soon we will crash from our sugar high and become even hungrier than before. The point is it takes more than sugar to satisfy our bodies.

In our physical body is a hunger that can only be filled with food that is good for us. Filling that hunger with jelly beans will be pointless. We also have a spiritual hunger in our hearts, a hunger for happiness. And it can only be satisfied with healthy spiritual food. This is the kind of food that only comes from a close relationship with God.

But most of us try to fill that desire for happiness with “spiritual jelly beans”. This can be things like money, romantic relationships, success at work, and material possessions. But these “jelly beans” don’t satisfy our hunger either. They may give us a momentary feeling of happiness, but that feeling will quickly pass like a physical sugar high.

Scripture tells us the story of man who feasted on spiritual jelly beans. He had everything the world could possibly offer. But yet in the end all he could say was, “Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity (Ecclesiastes 1:2).” In Ecclesiastes we see King Solomon’s search for significance (happiness) in life. He was on of the most powerful, if not the most powerful king in the history of Israel. But his power, riches, and fame could not satisfy the longing in his heart.

Yet while Solomon feasted on spiritual junk food God offered to him the one thing that could fulfill his hunger. And the same thing is offered to us today. The longing for happiness in our hearts was created by God himself, and can only be filled by a relationship of dependence upon him. In other words we come to God, and ask him to fulfill our spiritual hunger. When we do he will give to us a feast of spiritual truth that bring a joy and peace that rises above circumstances. Physical and spiritual jelly beans are not bad things necessarily. But they are meant to be a desert that finishes a meal, not the meal.

I am not okay

We all go through times of serious emotional pain because of our cravings for acceptance or discouraging circumstances. And most of us go through those painful experiences alone without anyone helping us. This is sad because there are usually good Christian friends who desire to help us through those rough times. But their help is usually refused because we are afraid to admit that we need it.

For some individuals this is a pride issue. There is no way they will make themselves look weak by asking for help. For others it has to do with low self confidence. They don’t feel their problems are important enough to bother other people with. Some refuse help because they are afraid that people will laugh at them. The reason for this denial of help is really not that important. The problem is found in the fact that by refusing the help of others, we choose isolation.

Isolation involves hiding that pain whether it is depression, discouragement, or a broken heart so that nobody sees it again. Of course keeping these emotions bottled up inside of us is not very healthy. We become emotional volcanoes that build up pressure until we erupt in anger, bitterness, or maybe self pity. Obviously this is not the way God planned for our acceptance cravings and emotional pain to be dealt with.

We all end up being emotional volcanoes at one time or another. It is just easier to say, “I am okay” in times of need than to ask for help. I know that for a fact because “I am okay” used to be my response to almost every offer of help in time of need. The reason for doing this was primarily because I used to struggle with low self confidence. I felt that everyone else had problems that were much more important than mine. And to add an extra burden to them with insignificant problem would be wrong.

My emotional isolation became a problem when I came to Australia in January. There is a lot of stress during a missionaries first term on the field. And though I was usually “okay”, there were still bad days. But I would not let anyone know about my struggles.

Every year the missionaries in Australia have an annual meeting to discuss business for the upcoming year. One of the things that we discussed was attempting to get a permanent residency visa for me. I am the only missionary without one, and the Australian laws for visa’s at this time are very strict. The thought of not having a permanent visa was very frustrating to me. But when they brought up plans to help me with the visa I immediately spoke against it. I told them that I was doing fine with the two year religious workers visa (which was true). In other words, “everything is okay”. It was then that one of the veteran missionaries looked me dead in the eye and said, “no it’s not okay”.

That day I realized the other missionaries at that table truly cared about me. And that they were genuinely interested in helping to meet my needs. That my problems that seemed so unimportant to me, were very important to them. Since that day I have learned how to stop saying “I am okay” when things aren’t going well. Slowly I am learning that sometimes it is alright to say “I am not okay”.

Romance Junkies

I thank God for the peace that I have in my heart as I write this entry. Over the last eight months I have been able to develop close relationships with Believers in many local churches. I am currently ministering in at least two of those churches on a weekly basis. And in the coming months I plan to become actively involved in a Bible College here. Though there are some bad days I am truly satisfied with what God has given me in Australia.

But that was not always the case. In 1999 I graduated from College with a pastoral degree, and a heart full of dreams. I was seriously dating a young woman, and had a clear understanding of what God wanted me to do in life. Two months after graduation I was single, and had absolutely no idea what God’s will could be. My craving for acceptance became very strong during those months. And of course it was kind hard to feel good about myself while in that situation. So I turned to something that countless people use to fill their acceptance cravings. I began to look for a girlfriend.

Dating relationships are very high on the list of things used to meet acceptance cravings. This is because the emotional highs of the relationship satisfy our desire to belong. Unfortunately those emotional highs don’t last forever. Especially if both people in the relationship are just using it to feed their own cravings. Sadly I had to learn that lesson the hard way.

My desire for acceptance became very strong in the fall of 1999. I just needed a reason to believe in myself. One day a friend told me that a young woman at the college was interested in going out on a date with me. I was working at the college while seeking God’s direction so it wasn’t hard to start spending time with her. Within a few weeks of meeting we went out on our first date.

The first date was a wonderful time for both of us. We shared stories, laughed, and learned a lot about each other. I probably could have floated home that night instead of driving in a car. The emotion of that first date satisfied my acceptance cravings for days. I could not have been any happier.

Almost one year later I ended our relationship. In honesty I had been miserable in the relationship for the last four months. The relationship that I hoped would forever satisfy my acceptance cravings made me worse instead of better! Since that time I have found that Christ’s love is the one thing that can truly fill our desire to belong. More importantly I learned that dating relationships can not fill our craving for acceptance. They may fill it for a month or two, but in time the emotional love will fade.

That fact does not keep countless singles from desperately seeking their next boyfriend or girlfriend. And with each heart wrenching break up they begin their search again. Instead of allowing God to truly satisfy the cry of their hearts, they seek to fill it with romance. Having tried to do just that, I can honestly say that romance is a poor alternative to the unconditional love of Christ.

Television and French Fries

I will never forget that Tuesday afternoon. It was a cold rainy day but I was excited about beginning my teaching ministry at a Bible College less than two weeks. At about 3:30 there was a knock at my door. The college principal had come to tell me that I would not be teaching my class. The student who planned on taking the class had decided not to. I had spent six months preparing the notes for that class. And then in one moment something that I had been working on since February was taken away from me.

The initial anger turned into frustration. And that frustration soon became depression. By 3:45 I was dealing with the depression in my usual way. That involved lying on the couch while watching huge amounts of television. For almost seven hours I laid there in front of the tv. The only other thing I did was make a quick trip to the grocery store. There I bought the other half of my usual response to depression, French fries.

It is amazing what a person will do when they are discouraged or broken hearted. We should deal with the pain and ask God for strength and help in that time of need. Or we should call a close friend and share with them the painful feelings in our hearts. But that is not what we do. Normally we will try everything in our power to take that pain away. Ignoring the depression or alleviating the pain for a short time is much better than dealing with it. Because by facing our feelings of hurt or frustration we will experience even more pain.

So we “medicate” our pain with different things. Some of these are addictive and will drive us farther away from God. But most are not sinful at all. My drug of choice when dealing with depression is French fries and television. I enjoy it because for a few hours I forget all about the pain that is in my heart. But at some point the French fries will all be eaten, and I will have to turn off the television.

In that moment I usually realize that I totally wasted hours of my day. Not only that, but I spent the same amount of time eating French fries that had no nutritional value whatsoever! On top of that there is guilt from using French fries and tv instead of God to deal with my pain. So I usually found myself feeling worse than when I started!

Is it really worth trying to escape our pain when we feel worse afterwards? I am thankful that God has shown me a better way to deal with depression and discouragement. But step one for me is usually the hardest. It simply involves facing the pain instead of trying to escape or medicate it. Then God is able to give me his peace even in the midst of the pain. But it all begins with my deciding to embrace my pain instead of running from it.

Selfless Rebounding

We all have a craving for acceptance by others. And this craving can not be filled through physical things like money, things, or relationships. It can only be ultimately be filled by Christ and his love. But these desires for acceptance can also be filled within relationships where a Christ like love is experienced. But what does a Christ like love look like when it is lived out in our lives? One of the strongest characteristics of this love is selflessness.

When I think of selfless love I am reminded of one summer afternoon many years ago. Our youth group would go to a camp that was run by our church every summer. Teens from churches all around would come to that camp. There were a lot of activities that week which we enjoyed. But most of the young men were focused on one activity. The counselor versus camper basketball game. Sure the campers got killed every single year, but it was still a lot of fun. And every one of the young men dreamed of scoring a lot of points in that game.

I of course was no exception. But I never ended up playing in one of those games. That was not because they wouldn’t let me. In fact I probably would have had a lot of friends cheering for me if I did play. The fact that I had no athletic ability kept me from playing with the other campers. I was afraid of embarrassing myself in front of everyone else. And it was a good idea to put our best players on the team.

During free time a lot of the guys would play basketball. Some were practicing for the big Thursday night game. Others were just having fun. Even though I wanted to play with them it rarely happened. But one day when there weren’t many people around I began to shoot basketball. Since I was pretty much the only one there I was forced to run and get the ball when I missed the basket (which was pretty much every time). Soon a girl started shooting with me. I have forgotten her name (I believe it was Melody) but I will never forget what she did.

After a few minutes she stopped shooting and positioned herself under the basket. She would catch the ball when I missed, and passed it back to me. That in itself was an act of service. But then she began to compliment me! Every time I missed a shot she would tell me what a good job I was doing. She went out of her way to find something to encourage me about even when I missed. I walked away from the court that day feeling as if I had hit a three pointer that won the staff counselor game. All because a girl who I hardly knew decided to set aside her own needs, and encourage me.

An Unfulfilled Craving

We all want to be accepted. This desire for acceptance drives us to do many things as teenagers so that we can be seen as “cool”. But that hunger for approval does not fade as we get older. If anything it gets stronger. “The desperate need to belong doesn’t end with high school graduation; it haunts us for the rest of our lives.”1 As adults we still seek for ways to fulfill our desire for acceptance. We no longer buy the in style clothes so that people will respect us. But we will purchase the latest cell-phone or electronic devices for that same reason.

Buying expensive shirts will not bring us unconditional acceptance. Neither will the latest digital camera or PDA. Those things will bring us popularity for a short amount of time. But before long a new style of clothes, or better technology will come along. And when that happens you will have no choice but to spend more money. This vicious cycle can only end with a huge amount of debt, and normally not many friends.

Others try to fill this need for acceptance through dating or marriage. The emotion at the beginning of a romantic relationship is definitely enough to make a person feel accepted. But the emotion of the relationship will only last a month or two. Most of those who fill their acceptance cravings through relationships will end the relationship after the emotion is gone. They will go from one relationship to another desperately seeking something that can fill their longing for acceptance. But their vicious cycle is destined to end in a broken heart and countless shattered relationships.

Still others seek satisfy this hunger through money. They make becoming rich the goal of their entire lives. And some of them do reach that goal. But they are never satisfied with the money that they have. Almost all of them are focused on getting just a little bit more. “If I make more money then people will have to accept me”, they tell themselves. But those individuals are so focused on making money they don’t see the pain they are bringing upon themselves, and others. Their cycle will end with huge amounts of money that can not bring happiness to their souls.

Why is it that people try to fill this longing with acceptance with countless things, but never satisfy it? The reason is because that desire can only truly be met through an intimate relationship with God. For it is only through God that we can find true acceptance. Others will accept us as long as we have the latest technology, the relationship is filled with emotion, or we have lots of money. God will accept us unconditionally if we will repent of our sins and turn to him. But sadly we many times try to fill that craving in our hearts with things that will never really satisfy. While rejecting the one person who can truly satisfy it.

Swallowing My Pride

A few weeks ago I made a very foolish mistake. A Thursday night was spent grading assignments from a class that I had recently finished teaching. I began to become concerned when a quiz and paper were not found with the other class work. That concern became fear when the missing assignments were not found in my files. An hour later that fear had become full fledged panic. Somehow I had lost two of the student's assignments!

The next morning I felt terrible about what had happened. There was a temptation to give the student an A for the assignments because I knew that he had given them to me. His quality of work pretty much guaranteed he would have a high grade on the missing assignments. Of course I could not do that because it would be dishonest. So I began to form a plan that would let as few people as possible know about my mistake.

My first thought was to only contact the student. He had done the work on his computer, and it was possible for him to send me those assignments by e-mail. Telling him about my mistake was a very hard thing to do, but what I dreaded more than that was telling the missionary who I worked with at the Bible College. He had worked very hard preparing me for my class and showing me exactly how things should be done. I felt very ashamed about what I had done, and wanted to make sure he didn’t find out at all costs.

I tried to read at the kitchen table that morning like I usually do, but was not able to concentrate. Finally I sat down at my computer and sent an e-mail to my co-worker. About an hour later he called me at home and helped fix the mess that I had made. Though I still felt bad about losing the assignments later that day I had a peace in my heart because I did the right thing.

We all make mistakes as human beings. What separates those who are successful from the unsuccessful is our response to those mistakes. For most of us the normal reaction is to hide that mistake from others and under no circumstances ask for help. But going to close Christian friends and asking for help in that time of need is a much wiser course of action.

The thing that keeps us from doing that is the same thing that made it hard for me to contact the missionary. We usually have a strong feeling of shame after making a big mistake. But it much easier to swallow our pride and confess what happened, than to fix the entire problem ourselves without anybody knowing (I know this from experience). I thank God that I was able to learn from this situation. I have learned that student’s assignments should be graded and handed back as soon as possible so that they are not lost. But more importantly I learned that the temporary shame of admitting mistakes is worth it in the long run.

Emotional Bricks

Developing personal based relationships is quite easy for people. But beginning a heart based connecting relationship is very hard. Why is it so hard to connect with people? It’s because the only way to have access to another person’s inner circle (deep feelings, and failures) is to first open your inner circle to them. And that is a very painful thing to do.

It is a strange feeling to be in a church surrounded by more than two hundred people, and at the same time feel totally alone. That was the way I used to feel every Sunday morning. I had many personal based relationships, but very few that were heart based. That was my fault completely because I refused to let many people into my inner circle.

I don’t believe any of us have an inner circle of feelings when we are children. All of our fears, worries, and other emotions are openly shared. But as we grow older feelings like failure, embarrassment, and pain inflicted by others become quite common. And each of those painful situations becomes a brick in the emotional wall that goes around our inner circle.

In a way that wall in our heart is a good thing. It keeps us from experiencing emotional pain. It also allows us to keep some things private. It is not a wise thing to share very personal information with everyone we know. But the wall can result in what can referred to as “emotional isolation”. This is when we refuse to share the emotional contents of our inner circle with anyone. The emotionally isolated many times have lots of friends. But there is no true friend who he has connected with on a heart based level.

“Ironically, sometimes when we feel there is no place for us in the world, we choose to live a life of isolation and disconnectedness.”1 Emotional isolation results in frustration, pain, and depression. Interestingly our attempt to escape all emotional pain (by building a wall) results in excruciating emotional pain. But more importantly it can lead us to living a very selfish life that focuses on our needs instead of others. “We may feel safe alone, but when we live without any semblance of community, it is easier to justify violence, or at least indifference to the welfare of others.”2

I know that God desires for me to begin teaching CTT classes in local Baptist churches. But I have decided not to put on a show or make promises in order to bring in students. Instead I have asked God to show me students that could be interested in taking classes. The next step is to connect with them, and develop a close friendship. A relationship where they are comfortable sharing with me the feelings in their inner circle. But that can only come as I share my inner circle with them first.

Tearing down the emotional wall around the inner circle is a very frightening thing. It can not, and should not be done quickly. So my plan is to begin sharing small pieces of my inner circle whenever possible. And slowly but surely the wall will come down one emotional brick at a time.

1 Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings, Intimacy, Entry 5
2 Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings, Intimacy, Entry 6

Quality Not Quantity

Recently I have been thinking a lot about how to get new students for the Bible college where I work.  In an attempt to find the best way to bring students I looked at two popular church growth methods.  The first is what I called the entertainment method of growth.  This philosophy puts on an entertaining show every Sunday that is meant to make people feel good about themselves.  The second method uses attraction to bring people in.  It involves finding out what the unsaved want, and giving it to them.  While these methods result in large crowds, neither will work in the long run.  The entertainment method is short lived because it is hard to keep entertaining the same people every week.  And the attractional method will work until another church begins doing more to “meet needs”. 

I don’t want students who will take CTT classes for a month or so and then quit when it gets hard. So how can I develop students who are committed to class for the long haul? The first answer to that question is very slowly. Many times churches want to bring in huge amounts of people right away. That is why the entertainment and attractional methods are so popular. A large quantity of people can easily be gained in a short amount of time with these methods. But strong ministries are not built upon people of quantity. Instead they are built on people of quality. And gathering in people of great quality is very hard work.

One of the most important ways to bring in quality people is through connection. This word has been used a lot lately so I will try to define it. Connection is the development of an intimate (close) relationship with others. The reason I use the word intimate is because this relationship goes much deeper than a normal friendship. It is bringing people together on a personal and heart based level.1 A normal friendship helps us to know others on a personal level. But connecting with others on a heart based level means we minister to what I refer to as, “their inner circle”.

Shortly after coming to Australia I put a post on my blog called “ministering to the inner circle”. It was based upon a fascinating discussion I had with an Australian believer one Sunday afternoon. He explained to me that the Australian people (and all people for that matter) have two kinds of relationships. Most people had access to what he called the outer circle. This was the information they would feel comfortable sharing with anybody. Things like how their favorite sports team is doing, their family, their job, and things of that nature. But a few select people are able to be part of the inner circle. This part of them included their fears, failures, frustrations, and deep needs. After talking to him I am convinced that this is not only true of Australians, but all of us as well.

Why is it important to connect with prospective students on a heart based level? Because close relationships will bring in more students than the worlds greatest power point presentation. Not only will students be more comfortable becoming involved in CTT if I have connected with them. They will also be more likely to complete the classes if they have a close relationship with the teacher. Becoming part of their inner circle will take a huge amount of time. But that student will be far more likely to continue in the program than one who is only there because he feels good, or his needs are met.

1 Dr. Henry Cloud/Dr. John Townsend, Making Small Groups Work, pg.71, ln.1

Attract Them To Jesus

One of the most popular church growth movements in this day involves what is called seeker sensitive services. These services are based upon what has become known as the attractional focused ministry. Those who use this attractional outreach claim that the most important job of the church is to find the needs of the unsaved and then meet those needs. Basically this means, “The church serves as a purveyor of religious goods and services.”1 The job of the church then becomes “bringing people from their culture into the church to partake of the programing that targets their felt needs.”2

Churches who use this outreach claim that it comes from the public ministry of Christ. He met the spiritual needs of great multitudes through preaching. But he also met their physical need of hunger by feeding 5,000 with a few loaves and fish.3 According to them this proves that Christ, “appears to be modeling attractional church growth strategies of doing what was needed to gather many people to hear the preaching of the Gospel.”4

This attractional outreach is much like the entertainment method I have written about in an earlier post. The entertainment type ministry is totally focused on creating an emotional response and make the people feel better. That attractional type finds what the unsaved want, and gives it to them.

The problem with this outreach method is quite clear. Scripture no longer is the final authority for what is done in the church. Instead the unsaved people the church tries to reach are it's authority. The end result of this method is not very different from that of the entertainment one. The people will come only as long as their needs are met. They don't attend the church because of love for God or other members. They only come to consume religious goods.

The attractional method is used in many ministries other than church growth. The difference in using the attractional outreach for other church ministries is that the saved are consumers instead of the unsaved. Just choose the kind of people you want to involve in the ministry (youth, young adults, singles). Then you find what they want in a ministry, and give it to them. Large ministries can definitely be developed using the attractional philosophy. But that does not change the fact that the needs of people decide which decisions to make instead of God's word.

It would be easy to find out what Believers in local churches want the CTT ministry to become, and then give it to them. But that ministry philosophy would create religious consumers who take classes as long as their needs are met. That does not mean I don't think that the needs of others should be ministered to. But the true motivation for taking a CTT class should go much deeper than just getting what you want.


1 Mark Driscoll, Confessions of A Reformission Rev, pg.25, par.4, ln.2
2 Mark Driscoll, Confessions of A Reformission Rev, pg.25, par.4, ln.4
3 Mark Driscoll, Confessions of A Reformission Rev, pg.27, par.1
4 Mark Driscoll, Confessions of A Reformission Rev, pg.27, par.1, ln.2

Entertain Them Into Jesus

In late August I will begin approaching pastors concerning the possibility of teaching bible college material in their churches. I am convinced that it is God’s will for me to begin planting CTT (Church Based Theological Training) classes in Melbourne. The problem I am facing is how to promote those classes.

It is very unlikely that a pastor will allow me to immediately begin a class in their church. This is not because they don’t want me to teach a class there. It is because at this time there are very few individuals interested in taking classes. So a lot of my ministry for the first few months will involve promoting the CTT program.

I know that God desires for me to plant classes local Baptist churches. The question in my mind is, “how do I get the people to come?” This same question is asked by pastors around the world on a daily basis. Unfortunately there is not an easy answer to that question. So I began researching different methods used by churches to bring people to services. I hoped that one of these strategies would help me reach out to prospective bible college students.

A popular method used by churches to gain members is entertainment. The church that uses this method will put on a show every Sunday. The goal of each service is to gain some kind of an emotional response. They will make you laugh, cry, and shout for joy in the same service. Many people will continue to attend that church because they “felt good.”

It is easy to see the problem with this method. Everything is geared to get an emotional response. The focus is not on actual transformation of the heart or life. They just want the people to feel good. This kind of promotion will bring in members by the truckload. But a few months later they will either be burned out, or have left the church. The problem with basing your ministry on entertainment is that it gets harder to entertain people every single week. After a while they get bored and leave for the next church that makes them feel good.

I must admit that this method is the one that I am most comfortable using. God has given me a talent for making people laugh. He has also allowed me to have an outgoing entertaining type personality. Most people are frightened about getting in front of large crowds. My greatest passion in life other than preaching God’s word is acting. I just love entertaining large audiences of people, the larger the better. This is not really because I am a great actor. It is more due to the fact that I am totally relaxed in front of large crowds.

If my personality had its way my presentation of CTT would turn into an entertaining combination of stories and jokes. And there is a pretty good chance that I would gain students because of a funny joke or tear jerking story. But those students would come because I made them feel good, or cry. A few months later they will no longer be taking CTT classes. Yes I can still make people laugh during my presentation. But I must make very sure that they are coming as a result of God’s conviction or call instead of an emotional response.

A Balanced Holiness

We see the God of love in our freedom and free will. But how does that fit in with his holiness? In my view the holiness of God is his strongest characteristic. Most believers in traditional churches would agree that, “holiness occupies the foremost rank among the attributes of God.”1 This truth is proven by the fact that God creates divisions between himself and what is sinful. The Jews were not allowed near Mount Sinai when God came to down to give the ten commandments.2 There was also a division in the tabernacle between the most holy of holies where God dwelled and the holy places.3 Clearly God is perfectly holy and can not allow sin.

It is true that God can not allow sin to go unpunished. But at the same time he is merciful and gracious towards us. Mercy is, “God’s goodness manifested towards those who are in misery or distress.”4 In other words mercy is God showing kindness to those who are in need. Scripture contains many passages that refer to the mercy of God (Ephesians 2:4, James 5:11, I Peter 1:3, Psalms 102:13, Romans 11:30).5 The Bible contains countless stories of sinners who received God’s merciful kindness instead of judgment.

And then of course there is the Grace of God. This refers to giving someone a free gift that they could never earn on their own. The greatest illustration of God’s grace is obviously the death of Christ on the cross. None of us could have ever deserved what Jesus did for us. But he still bore our sins upon the cross and paid the price for those sins with his blood.

What does this all mean? The answer is that there is a balance to God. He is at the same time both holy, and loving. Mercy and grace are two very strong characteristics of God’s love.6 Does this mean that we should continue sinning so that God has to forgive us? Of course not!7 For the mercy and grace of God are not as strong as his holiness. In fact the showing of mercy or grace toward a guilty sinner is, “optional with God”8 Grace and mercy will always be offered, but not always be given. At some point a sinner will face the condemnation of God for his continued sin.

By looking at God’s holiness, mercy, and love at the same time we have a complete view of him. He is not the God of love who allows us to do everything we want. Neither is he the God of judgment who is always looking for someone to punish. He is a God who does not desire to punish us for sin, and because of that will usually reach out with mercy and grace. But at the same time if we reject his mercy and grace we will be judged. Having a clear understanding of God is very important for us today. It helps us to understand it is not his will for us to be legalists. But it is not his will for us to love everyone into Jesus either.


1 Henry Thiessen, Lectures in Systematic Theology, pg.84, par.2, ln.1
2 Henry Thiessen, Lectures in Systematic Theology, pg.84, par.2, ln.4
3 Henry Thiessen, Lectures in Systematic Theology, pg.84, par.2, ln.5
4 Henry Thiessen, Lectures in Systematic Theology, pg.86, par.5, ln.1
5 Henry Thiessen, Lectures in Systematic Theology, pg.86, par.5, ln.7
6 Henry Thiessen, Lectures in Systematic Theology, pgs.86-87
7 Romans 6:1-2
8 Henry Thiessen, Lectures in Systematic Theology, pg.87, par.3, ln.1

A Balanced Love

Over the last two weeks I have looked at the two main views of God that are held today. Although both views have strong points neither one is totally correct. Those who believe in the loving God view feel that his unconditional love keeps him from judging sin. This foundational truth leads them to see condemnation of sin or rules as something terrible in the eyes of God. The problem comes when they try to motivate Christians to do good works for God. Most times those who hold this view end up contradicting themselves by stating that God has unconditional love, and then later showing his demand that we be missionaries to the world.

Those who believe in a judging God are little better. They focus totally on the things that God does not want us to do. There is a serious danger of focusing so much on the outer person (following the rules) that the inner person (personal relationship with Christ) is ignored. This view also opens the door for legalism, and putting personal views on the level of Scripture.

So which God is the correct one? The actual answer is both. This “balanced view of God” does not go to either extreme. Instead it states that God is at the same time both holy and loving. I will illustrate what this looks like in later posts. But first it would be helpful to have a basic understanding of what I mean by “a balanced God”. I personally believe that God's holiness and love are two of his strongest characteristics. He expresses his love to us in various ways. God's love is first seen in the fact that he does not force us to do anything. Mankind has been given freedom to choose whatever way seems best for him. This has been true ever since Adam and Eve were placed in the garden of Eden.

This does not mean God will not convict our hearts through the Holy Spirit when we disobey him. Neither does it mean that we will not suffer consequences for our actions. But it does clearly show that God will allow us to choose the path of sin. A God of judgment would never let this happen.

God gives us much more than just freedom through his love. We also receive acceptance. He does demand that we confess our sins, and accept Christ as our savior in order to be saved. This is a part of his holiness that can not be compromised. But God will accept anyone who is willing to repent of their sins. Some people can get the idea that God will not accept us until we have made ourselves good people. But that is not true at all. The Bible is very clear about the fact that any sinner who comes to God can be saved. A God of judgment would give a long list of rules or requirements to meet before becoming saved.

All of us who are saved have also received grace from God. Actually this grace is offered to all believers and unbelievers. Just because an unbeliever rejects God's grace doesn't mean he could not have been saved. Grace is viewed as receiving something that we did not deserve. And salvation definitely fits within that definition. None of us could ever claim to deserve salvation. But because of God's grace it is given to us as a free gift that could never be earned on our own. This as well goes against the God of judgment view.


If I stopped explaining the balanced view of God here it would be incomplete. But that doesn't change the fact that God does give us liberty, acceptance, and grace. It is encouraging to remember that we do not serve a God who enjoys judging sin. Instead we serve one who is, “not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.”1

1 II Peter 3:9

A Militant God?

In an earlier post I began discussing the correct view of God. The two major ones being that God is totally loving, and that he is militantly against sin. I have already pointed out that the God of love view is incorrect because it gives no way of motivating people. It also leads to a culture where there are no real absolutes. But is the militant view (God of judgment) any better?

The God of judgment view focuses all of its attention on his holiness. Because of this those who hold to this view spend the majority of their time pointing out commands of God for our lives. Of course I don't believe that there is anything wrong with proclaiming how a Believer should live. But placing a huge amount attention on what we should not do many times does more harm than good.

The high school that I attended as a teenager definitely believed in the God of judgment view. That does not mean I didn't enjoy being there. During my years there I developed many close friendships, and learned a lot from my teachers. God used the experiences in that High School to make me a stronger person, and I was able to be part of the student government for two years. I still have many fond memories of my days there.

But my love for that high school could not change the fact that it preached a God of judgment. Many sermons preached in our chapel services were little more than men yelling at us about what we were doing wrong. And out of those sermons came rules concerning what we should or should not do. Those rules were shared and explained in almost every Bible class, most devotionals given during the week, and basically every sermon we heard. After a time it seemed as if following those rules was the most important thing in our walk with God.

The danger of this view concerning God appears in two ways. Number one is the fact that when following the rules becomes the most important thing in life, it is very easy to start preaching personal opinion. Looking back at the sermons I heard at my high school it appears that at least 80% of them were using Scripture to preach personal opinion. The real danger with this is that in time if personal opinion is preached from the pulpit it is viewed on the same level as doctrine.

Personal opinion issues were defended at this school as strongly as Salvation by grace through faith. This leads to what I feel is the true failure of the God is judgment view. It focuses on the outer person instead of the heart. Now I don't feel in any way that it is wrong to enforce rules in christian school or elsewhere. But making those rules the most important thing just creates a generation of Pharisees. Christ called those men white washed sepulchures because they looked good on the outside, but on the inside they were filled with dead mens bones.

I thank God that during my time at the high school there was a group of young people who truly wanted to give God control of their lives. But that is not the normal result of holding the God is judgment view.

There is a very well known story of a man who came forward following a service at a church to be saved. The pastor of this church held very strongly to the God of judgment view. He brought the man before the church and told them that the gentleman wanted to be saved and join the church. He then told them that would happen as soon as the man cut off his long hair. This was to be done by a barber who was kept at the church for just such an ocassion.

God desires much more than a person who follows the rules. He desires believers who will develop an intimate relationship with him. A relationship of dependence that involves giving him control of their lives every day. And that is what will lead a person to follow the rules in a correct way. Not because they are being watched all of the time, but because they want to.

An Unconditional God?

An author once wrote of visiting a church where the Pastor made this bold statement. “There are three things in this church we will never do.”1 “We will never give a condemning message like some churches do. We will never make you uncomfortable or make you feel like you have to change. And we will certainly never emphasize holy living like so many legalistic churches do.”2 His words were met with thunderous applause.3 The pastor then stated emphatically, “we are a loving church not a militant one”4

In the day that we live there are two different views of God. There is the loving God who accepts and forgives all people while refusing to judge sin. And there is the militant God who judges those who do not do his will. These two views of God have split many a church and destroyed denominations. They have begun countless debates and probably ruined hundreds of relationships. But there is still no real consensus on which view is the right one.

The kind of church that is referred to in the beginning of this post clearly holds to the “loving God view”. This view basically believes that God gives to us unconditional love. This love does not have to be earned or deserved in any way. Those who take this view of God to the extreme believe that organized religion is wrong since it is a way of earning God’s love. “In this it appears that all religions are the same. They give God a name and then establish the rules that we must follow if we are to gain his favor and affection.”5 They see religions putting conditions before others as sinful because God does not do it. “When a religion is created on the subtle premise that God withholds his love and you must submit to the system to earn that love, I consider it the worst of corruptions.”6

Now most of those who hold this view today don’t feel religion is the worst of corruptions. I sincerely believe most if not all of those people are Believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. But their focus is still on the unconditional love of God more than anything else. These individuals feel that a person must accept Jesus Christ as his or her savior. But following this there is nothing they really need to do for God. While this is not usually preached from a pulpit like in the church we saw earlier, this message is shared by the churches actions.

The problem with this loving God view is that there is no way to motivate Believers once they are saved. This is especially true of those who hold to the extreme view that believes religion is corrupt. So how do they remedy this problem? By contradicting their statement that God’s love is unconditional. Interestingly the author who believed so strongly in the unconditional love of God in another one of his books challenges Believers to be missionaries.7

He proceeds to share that churches have been too easy on Believers. This has resulted in, “apathy, disinterest, compromise, and even rebellion.8” Instead we must live according to the standard written in the Word of God. And specifically become missionaries to the lost souls around us. Now this looks totally different from the view of God that believes he don’t have to earn his love in any way.

The author does try to explain himself by saying that this challenge is not to what he calls legalism, or an unbearable yoke.9 Instead it is our way of bringing freedom to those who are in bondage.10 But no matter what this is called it still contradicts the God is unconditional love view.

I believe with all of my heart that God is loving. What I don’t believe is that his love is unconditional. Will God accept the sinner who comes to him? Of course he will! But that sinner must confess his sin, and live a holy life. The proof that the loving God view is incorrect can be found in those who follow it. The majority of them are unmotivated, and doing nothing in the lords work.


1 Eric Ludy, God’s Gift to Women, pg.165, par.5, ln.1
2 Eric Ludy, God’s Gift to Women, pg.165, par.5, ln.3
3 Eric Ludy, God’s Gift to Women, pg.165, par.5, ln.7
4 Eric Ludy, God’s Gift to Women, pg.166, par.1, ln.1
5 Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings, entry 10, par.3, ln.1
6 Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings, entry 10, par.8, ln.3
7 Erwin McManus, An Unstoppable Force, pg.202, par.4
8 Erwin McManus, An Unstoppable Force, pg.202, par.5, ln.1
9 Erwin McManus, An Unstoppable Force, pg.207, par.7, ln.1
10Erwin McManus, An Unstoppable Force, pg.208, par.1