Emotional Bricks

Developing personal based relationships is quite easy for people. But beginning a heart based connecting relationship is very hard. Why is it so hard to connect with people? It’s because the only way to have access to another person’s inner circle (deep feelings, and failures) is to first open your inner circle to them. And that is a very painful thing to do.

It is a strange feeling to be in a church surrounded by more than two hundred people, and at the same time feel totally alone. That was the way I used to feel every Sunday morning. I had many personal based relationships, but very few that were heart based. That was my fault completely because I refused to let many people into my inner circle.

I don’t believe any of us have an inner circle of feelings when we are children. All of our fears, worries, and other emotions are openly shared. But as we grow older feelings like failure, embarrassment, and pain inflicted by others become quite common. And each of those painful situations becomes a brick in the emotional wall that goes around our inner circle.

In a way that wall in our heart is a good thing. It keeps us from experiencing emotional pain. It also allows us to keep some things private. It is not a wise thing to share very personal information with everyone we know. But the wall can result in what can referred to as “emotional isolation”. This is when we refuse to share the emotional contents of our inner circle with anyone. The emotionally isolated many times have lots of friends. But there is no true friend who he has connected with on a heart based level.

“Ironically, sometimes when we feel there is no place for us in the world, we choose to live a life of isolation and disconnectedness.”1 Emotional isolation results in frustration, pain, and depression. Interestingly our attempt to escape all emotional pain (by building a wall) results in excruciating emotional pain. But more importantly it can lead us to living a very selfish life that focuses on our needs instead of others. “We may feel safe alone, but when we live without any semblance of community, it is easier to justify violence, or at least indifference to the welfare of others.”2

I know that God desires for me to begin teaching CTT classes in local Baptist churches. But I have decided not to put on a show or make promises in order to bring in students. Instead I have asked God to show me students that could be interested in taking classes. The next step is to connect with them, and develop a close friendship. A relationship where they are comfortable sharing with me the feelings in their inner circle. But that can only come as I share my inner circle with them first.

Tearing down the emotional wall around the inner circle is a very frightening thing. It can not, and should not be done quickly. So my plan is to begin sharing small pieces of my inner circle whenever possible. And slowly but surely the wall will come down one emotional brick at a time.

1 Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings, Intimacy, Entry 5
2 Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings, Intimacy, Entry 6