Balanced Confrontation

I am not the kind of person who enjoys conflict, so I avoid it at all costs. This fear of conflict creates a problem when dealing with the unsaved. Many unbelievers will be involved in sinful practices that must be confronted. I know that God wants me to connect and minister to the unsaved in my community. But he also desires that I confront sin when it is committed.

As a believer in Jesus Christ I can't just overlook sinful actions of the lost. So how do I confront those sins? This question is a very important one since Christians are many times seen as judgmental. In fact 87% of the unsaved people who took part in a recent survey said that the word “judgmental” summed up Christianity for them.1

How could this many people view us as judgmental? A lot of it has to do with the way we confront those who are in sin. A definition for confrontation in the mind of some believers seems to be, “pointing out any sin that needs to be dealt with in a judgmental fashion.” These individuals point out every sin in the lost person's life and demand that they change immediately.


Is this how God wants us to confront sin? I honestly don't think so because it does not include love or grace. There are other Christians who make the love of Christ the foundation for their confrontation. These individuals are many times like me and don't like to conflict of any kind. So they won't confront the sin of those around them. And if they do it is in a way that will never make the unsaved person feel uncomfortable.

In my view neither of these styles of confrontation are right. The first does not take into account the love of Christ. The other does not include conviction of any kind. Somewhere between these two extremes is healthy confrontation. And it can only be found by balancing the two extreme views. The focus of the first view is truth. Truth is the most important thing and it does not matter how you come across as long as it is given. The second stresses love in a very strong way. For them the most important thing is that the unsaved person not feel bad.

So true confrontation will combine truth and love. The message will not change at any time (sin will still be sin). But the methods, or ways that truth is shared, will be loving. Those who stress truth will tell an unbeliever he is a sinner and needs to stop sinning the first time they meet. Those who stress love might bring up the subject after about a month, but not in a way that will condemn that person.

True confrontation will develop a close relationship with that person first. After connecting with the unbeliever he will lovingly point out the sin in that persons life. The confrontation itself will be carried out in a spirit of humility. Some may say that this view goes easy on the sinner. But a loving confrontation that comes from a friend is much more powerful that a judgmental one.

We live in the midst of a fallen world. Being a light to the darkness here involves confrontation of sin. But we must be careful that it is done in a way that balances both truth and love. For if we don't it will be very hard for change to take place.

1Kinnaman, UnChristian, pg.28, par. 2