I am not okay

We all go through times of serious emotional pain because of our cravings for acceptance or discouraging circumstances. And most of us go through those painful experiences alone without anyone helping us. This is sad because there are usually good Christian friends who desire to help us through those rough times. But their help is usually refused because we are afraid to admit that we need it.

For some individuals this is a pride issue. There is no way they will make themselves look weak by asking for help. For others it has to do with low self confidence. They don’t feel their problems are important enough to bother other people with. Some refuse help because they are afraid that people will laugh at them. The reason for this denial of help is really not that important. The problem is found in the fact that by refusing the help of others, we choose isolation.

Isolation involves hiding that pain whether it is depression, discouragement, or a broken heart so that nobody sees it again. Of course keeping these emotions bottled up inside of us is not very healthy. We become emotional volcanoes that build up pressure until we erupt in anger, bitterness, or maybe self pity. Obviously this is not the way God planned for our acceptance cravings and emotional pain to be dealt with.

We all end up being emotional volcanoes at one time or another. It is just easier to say, “I am okay” in times of need than to ask for help. I know that for a fact because “I am okay” used to be my response to almost every offer of help in time of need. The reason for doing this was primarily because I used to struggle with low self confidence. I felt that everyone else had problems that were much more important than mine. And to add an extra burden to them with insignificant problem would be wrong.

My emotional isolation became a problem when I came to Australia in January. There is a lot of stress during a missionaries first term on the field. And though I was usually “okay”, there were still bad days. But I would not let anyone know about my struggles.

Every year the missionaries in Australia have an annual meeting to discuss business for the upcoming year. One of the things that we discussed was attempting to get a permanent residency visa for me. I am the only missionary without one, and the Australian laws for visa’s at this time are very strict. The thought of not having a permanent visa was very frustrating to me. But when they brought up plans to help me with the visa I immediately spoke against it. I told them that I was doing fine with the two year religious workers visa (which was true). In other words, “everything is okay”. It was then that one of the veteran missionaries looked me dead in the eye and said, “no it’s not okay”.

That day I realized the other missionaries at that table truly cared about me. And that they were genuinely interested in helping to meet my needs. That my problems that seemed so unimportant to me, were very important to them. Since that day I have learned how to stop saying “I am okay” when things aren’t going well. Slowly I am learning that sometimes it is alright to say “I am not okay”.