Handing In My Man Card

There are certain things in this day and age that men are just not comfortable doing. These things have been compiled into a list that, although unspoken, are taken with the utmost seriousness. Any man caught doing one of the things on that list will condemn himself to weeks and months of ridicule by his friends. Men jokingly say that repeated infractions will result in you handing in your “man card”.

Some of the items on this list are as follows. Real men don't use the word cute in any conversations. Real men don't watch chick flick movies by themselves. Real men don't ask for directions. Real men don't use scented hand lotion. Real men do not purchase or burn candles. As important as the other rules are there is one which is enforced more forcefully than any other. Real men don't talk about their feelings.

I am not sure why this rule was put on the list. Maybe it is because all of our heroes on television or the movies never talked about their feelings. They don't even ask anyone for help, much less share their emotions. I mean you never see Rambo talking about his self esteem issues! Many of us also never had male role models who were open about their emotions. The fact that our culture looks upon asking for help or sharing feelings as not being masculine doesn't help either.

In early June I went to a rugby game with some of my friends. After the game I had to find a train to take me home from the stadium. Surprisingly one of the guys who came offered to drive me home. That was a pretty big deal since I lived about forty-five minutes away. On the way home we talked about cars, music, and movies (guy stuff). By the time I got to the house we had become pretty good friends.

Every few weeks I will meet him at a local McDonalds. It just gives a chance to relax and catch up with what is happening with each other. I am currently involved in the youth group at his church, and he teaches the young adults. So we talk a lot about what we think God is doing in our ministries. We both enjoy and reading books and will discuss things we are learning from them. And of course there were conversations about we wanted to do in the future. Although the book conversations were pushing it, we did not make any of the laws in our man code.

Then one Saturday night that all changed. I honestly don't know why I did it. Maybe it was the cappucinno that I held in my hand. Maybe it was the table that we were sitting at. Maybe it was the smell of french fries in the air. Whatever the reason, I began to talk with him about my low self esteem, and how it affected the way I interacted with people. Suddenly I became very nervous. I had committed the unpardonable sin and talked my feelings!

To my utter amazement my friend told me he felt also had a hard time interacting with people sometimes. Instead of laughing and making fun of me, he confessed to feeling the same way! Even more amazing was the fact that I felt great after telling him about my shyness. We actually had a long conversation about how to become more confident when meeting people we don't know. And at no time during that long conversation about my feelings did God strike us with lightning!

In the following weeks we continued to slowly talk about our emotional struggles or burdens we are dealing with. And in doing so found there is something very therapeutic about spilling your guts all over a table at McDonalds. Simply facing emotional pain in our hearts is not enough. We must also deal with that emotional pain. And one of the best ways to do that is discuss those struggles with a trusted friend. Now that I realize the first man rule is flawed I am beginning to wonder if the other ones are as well. Maybe this means all men should go out and buy scented candles! Well, let's not get carried away.