Are We Listening?

I love working with teenagers. I am usually more comfortable in a room full of teens than a room of adults. What I don’t always love is the rebellion that teens have against authority. Or the fact that they won’t listen to me when I ask them to do something. Or their talking to one another and looking off into space while I share a lesson I prepared. I am well aware of the fact that is the way teens act towards all authority figures and not just me. Sometimes I am tempted to confront or judge the teens I work with because they don’t treat me with respect.

I am not saying that disciplining teens and confronting their disrespect is wrong. But normally their disrespect is the just the result of a deeper need. This is seen in an article that a teenage boy put on his blog. No clue what im gonna do about anything or everything.....I wanna just disappear…Why am I so ugly?.....I look in the mirror and I wanna claw my body to shreds….So imperfect…Im sorry im sorry im sorry and I lie and I lie and I lie and im not worth it and im not good enough and all I want is someone to hold me….and for some reason everything is crashing down….I should be happy now but im not.1

The sad fact is that teenagers around the world are struggling with feelings of depression, loneliness, or worthlessness. But they don’t want anyone to see those feelings. This is where the sins such as disrespect, rebellion, and other things come in. Even more discouraging is the fact that adults are struggling with those same feelings themselves. They just cover the feelings up with more serious sins like drug addiction, or pre marital sex.

So how do we respond to teens who refuse to obey us? Discipline which makes them pay consequences for their actions is very useful. But in my eyes that should be a last resort. Otherwise we would be disciplining every teenager who didn’t listen to the lesson! Instead we should listen to what they are saying. In many cases that is what they are longing for anyways, someone who will listen.

Confrontation of a problem teenager can produce good results. But taking that same teen to McDonalds for a meal and talking about what is going on in his life will do much more. It will allow you to find what they are struggling with and help them care for that need. Yes there will be some who continue to cause trouble no matter how loving you are. But you can rest in the fact that discipline was not the first response but something that they brought upon themselves.

The same book that had the blog article tells the story of a rebellious teenage girl. She had a wonderful relationship with her mother until she turned twelve. Since that time their relationship had been terrible. She wrote a poem for her mom entitled message from daughter to mother. In it she wrote, “somehow I have lost my mouth, somehow you have lost your ears.2” The deepest desire of many teenagers is to be heard and understood. And meeting that desire will impact even the most rebellious teens.

1 Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture, pg.18, par.2, ln.1
2 Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture, pg.19, par.4, ln.9